Why People Get Addicted to Pain and Suffering
- Leanne Veronica
- Feb 1
- 5 min read
Dr Joe Dispenza explains that people often become addicted to pain and suffering because their bodies get used to the emotional states tied to these experiences. When we repeatedly experience emotions like sadness, anger, or stress, our brains create neural pathways that reinforce these feelings. The release of chemicals like cortisol, adrenaline, or dopamine (in certain cases like anger) becomes something the body craves. Over time, this cycle becomes an unconscious habit.
Examples of Emotional Addiction
1. Listening to Sad Music
Someone who is heartbroken might listen to sad music over and over, not realising they’re reinforcing feelings of loss or sadness. The lyrics and melodies resonate with their current emotional state, so they stay in that loop because it feels familiar—even though it keeps them stuck.
How to Break It: Create a playlist with uplifting, positive music and make a conscious effort to listen to it. Pair it with activities like walking in nature or journaling about what you're grateful for to help shift your mood.
2. Watching Sad or Triggering Videos
Watching videos or movies that promote sadness, such as heartbreak stories or dramatic endings, can deepen feelings of despair or hopelessness. While it feels cathartic in the moment, it often feeds the addiction to sadness.
How to Break It: Replace those videos with inspiring or motivational content that uplifts you or makes you laugh. Watching comedy or videos about overcoming challenges can provide emotional relief and inspire new emotional patterns.
3. Provoking Arguments
Someone who feels anger often might unconsciously provoke arguments with loved ones or coworkers. The resulting tension and conflict feed their anger, which releases adrenaline and makes them feel "alive" temporarily.
How to Break It: When you feel anger rising, pause and take deep breaths. Journaling or practising mindfulness can help you become aware of the triggers behind the anger. Learning to respond calmly instead of reacting immediately disrupts the pattern.
4. Alcohol or Drug Abuse
People sometimes use substances to escape pain or numb suffering, but over time, they become dependent. Alcohol and drugs provide temporary relief while reinforcing the same cycle of emotional pain they’re trying to avoid.
How to Break It: Focus on healthier ways to cope, such as therapy, exercise, or creative outlets like art or writing. Connecting with support groups or counsellors can also help address the root emotional pain behind substance use.
Why Do People Do This?
Familiarity: Negative emotions like sadness, anger, or stress feel "safe" because they’re known. The unknown (like joy, peace, or happiness) can feel uncomfortable or even scary.
Identity: Some people feel defined by their pain. For example, someone who identifies as a victim of unfairness might feel validated by staying in that role.
Chemical Dependency: The brain releases stress hormones (like cortisol) or adrenaline during negative emotional states. Over time, the body craves these chemicals just like it would with a drug.
Another Common Pattern: Holding onto Pain Through Memories
People unconsciously hold onto pain and suffering by repeatedly looking at photos of people who have left their lives, whether through breakups, estrangement, or death. Watching funeral videos or revisiting these memories too frequently can keep them stuck in a loop of grief or sadness. While this might feel like honouring the person or keeping their memory alive, it often prevents the healing process because it repeatedly reinforces the emotions of loss and despair.
Examples:
Photos of an Ex, estranged family member or friend: Someone might scroll through old pictures of a past relationship, reliving the good times but also reinforcing feelings of regret, loneliness, or rejection. This keeps them emotionally tied to the person, making it harder to move on.
Funeral Videos: A person might re-watch a funeral service to feel closer to a loved one they’ve lost. While it might provide temporary comfort, it often pulls them back into their grief instead of allowing them to celebrate the person’s life or focus on moving forward.
How to Break Free from Emotional Attachment to Pain
Express Your Emotions in Healthy Ways – Your feelings are valid, but instead of dwelling on them, try journaling or writing a letter to process your emotions. This can help release pain while honouring your experiences.
Set Boundaries for Reminiscing – Limit the time you spend looking at old photos or videos. Consider reserving these moments for special occasions or anniversaries to avoid getting stuck in a cycle of sadness.
Focus on Positive Memories – Instead of reliving loss, celebrate the good times. Shift your perspective to gratitude, cherishing the love and joy those experiences brought into your life.
Redirect Your Energy – Engage in activities that uplift you, such as exercise, creative hobbies, or quality time with supportive people. This helps create new, positive emotional patterns.
Embrace Growth and Healing – Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting or letting go of love. It means allowing yourself to grow, carry the lessons, and honour the past while making space for new joy and fulfillment.
How to Break Free from the Addiction to Pain and Suffering
1. Become Aware of the Pattern
Start noticing when and why you’re engaging in behaviours that reinforce negative emotions. For example, if you always listen to sad music after a breakup, ask yourself if it’s truly helping you heal or keeping you stuck.
2. Interrupt the Cycle
Shift Focus: When you catch yourself engaging in an emotion-reinforcing habit (e.g., sad music, arguing), stop and choose a different action. Go for a walk, meditate, or talk to someone who uplifts you.
Break Triggers: If a certain playlist, movie, or environment reinforces negative emotions, replace it with uplifting alternatives.
3. Start Practising New Emotions
Practise gratitude daily by writing down three things you’re thankful for. Gratitude is powerful for rewiring the brain.
Visualise a better future and focus on the feelings of joy, love, or peace as though they’ve already happened.
4. Commit to New Habits
Replace emotional addictions with healthier routines. For instance, if you feel angry, try physical activities like boxing or running to release the energy constructively.
If sadness dominates, engage in creative outlets like drawing, dancing, or playing an instrument to shift your emotional state.
5. Find Support
Reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or counsellor to help you identify deeper emotional wounds that keep you stuck. Breaking free is easier with someone to guide you.
6. Meditate Regularly
Meditation helps disconnect you from old emotional patterns and trains your brain to create new ones. Even 10 minutes a day can help calm the mind and reset your focus.
Final Thoughts
By recognising these patterns and taking small, consistent steps to replace them, it’s possible to break free from the addiction to pain and suffering. A new emotional baseline rooted in joy, peace, and gratitude is within reach for anyone willing to make the change.
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